The Starbucks Diaries

Like OMIGOD!

2008-10-08T19:40:00.000-07:00

So, there's a new girl and she talks a lot. Learned A LOT about her while sitting in the 'Bucks. Here goes! She loves tattoos, but thinks small ones are stupid. I quote " you can't walk into a tattoo shop and say 'Oh that looks cool!' and just get it. How is that being an individual?" Um, well... for starters, any tattoo, no matter what size, is an expression of individuality. Granted, so is her incessant yammering. It's all relative. Everything is an expression of individuality unless you're directly and intentionally copying someone. So...stab her with rusty metal sporks. The end.

Next, the two girls sitting next to us were talking about how they wanna beat the shit outta boys. I figure their in high school. It took me back to the adolescent years. Was kind of nice zoning out and listening to them, although I hope I never sounded as annoying as they did. They also think that books suck...like OMIGOD! For sure!

My "Annoying Starbucks Award" goes to the woman that walked in towards the end of the night. She strutted in, nose in the air and on her cell phone. Wow...snooty? She orders, still on the phone. Sits right at the counter where they give out the drinks, still on her phone. Takes her drink when it's ready, still on her phone. Doesn't say thank you...still on the phone. And then she leaves. Still. On. The. Phone. Fuck people, get off your phone when you buy something. The employee helping you will be grateful that you pay them a little respect.

No wonder people end up with wrong orders and bad service.

Gah.

They Call Her Sandy. She Was A Showgirl.

2008-10-07T20:41:00.000-07:00

Well, not really. lol Her name is Sandy though! And why is this important? Because we met her at Starbucks and that's ALWAYS awesome.

We are spreading...

...LIKE THE PLAGUE!

Hmm, that sounds a little ominous. Maybe something else would be better.

We're spreading like butter on toast! We're spreading like tar on asphalt! We're spreading wildfire! We're spreading like wings! We're spreading like...

FIGHT CLUB!

Perfect! We are much like Fight Club or we should be! RAWR! We are STARBUCKS CLUB! We have rules!

1. You must talk about Starbucks Club.
2. You must talk about Starbucks Club.
3. When someone says stop, or goes limp, even if they're just faking it, the shenanigans are just beginning.
4. Only two people can engage at once, if we were fair...but we're not!
5. Multiple shenanigans at a time.
6. They engage without remorse or order.
7. The shenanigans go on as long as they have to.
8. If this is your first night at Starbucks Club, you have to engage.

And there you have it. We travel in packs, take many prisoners, and have the most fun one could possibly have in the middle of any Starbucks location we can possibly overtake with our shenanigans. It's great fun.

Welcome, Sandy. We hope to see you again!

We'll Call This "What The Fuck Is She Wearing" Night

2008-10-01T21:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, out of everything that I've seen at Starbucks, tonight pretty much took the cake. I'm not sure if planets were aligned or the moon went into some weird full moon phase without notifying the rest of the solar system...but what the fuck do chicks wear now days?

One girl came in wearing capris pants. They weren't typical capris. Well, they would have been run of the mill, but one leg was normal length (falling just above the boot line...black boots) and the other leg was rolled up to around the crotchal region. Maybe it was gang related? But why the black boots with it? And a green tank top? I should have taken a damn picture. It successfully creeped me out.

Another girl came in with an orange tank top shirt thing. Only this tank top shirt thing came down to nearly her knees and I'm lucky I spotted the short, short shorts she had on underneath or I was liable to call the fashion police. It was like a moo moo gone horribly wrong...which is hard to do since a moo moo IS horribly wrong. To top it all off, the shirt was orange and she was quite rotund. So, she effectively looked like a fat pumpkin with twiggy, chicken legs to accentuate the waddle effect of her walk. Fabulous, I say.

On a small side note, they hired a new boy at Starbucks. I call him Afro. And why? Because he's a white boy with an afro. Good times! He seems to be nice, but I haven't really talked to him. I think it's the afro that really gets me. his name is Caleb (spelling? lol). He's super fucking tall, which is a plus, but the jury is still out on our official opinion of him.

And by the way...the flyer says "A Taste of Fall." It does not say "A Taste of Fail" or "A Taste of Hell." Glasses people! lmfao Love you guys. =)

The Crack of Dust

2008-09-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

We'll be swinging on chandaliers while wearing corsets and eating manghetti in our apartment at the crack of dust.

For those of you that weren't at Starbucks tonight, the previous sentence means absolutely nothing to you. Those attending the festivities tonight, understand and appreciate the aforementioned sentence. It is the sum of our evening at the O.G. Starbucks and brought a close to a much needed and very wonderful evening.

I love Sam.

She is my wife.

She is my lover.

She is my soulmate.

=)

Anyways, the evenign was wonderful. We drank too much coffee, ate too much from the display case, and generally entertained both the employees and the customers. Much love to the little girl toward the end of the night who could carry on a conversation much better than most adults now days. She even asked her father for a laptop and told him that he could buy it from Target. It was amusement, to say the least.

Oh, and I have officially decided that if I spent every day and every night here, I'd never go hungry or thirsty. As a matter of fact, I could probably live my whole life here and make money writing about what I see and do. Hmm...

Food for thought.

Miss Mattel

2008-07-13T03:58:00.000-07:00

"Would you like anything else?"

"My sanity."

"What?"

"Who's on first?"

"Huh?"

"Uh, nevermind. I'll see you at the first window."

...and the laughter ensued!

Now, let's back up.

Matt and I took a little drive tonight to grab some much needed coffee and decided to visit the Starbucks at Herndon and Palm. It's a nifty little Strabucks stuffed in a space far too small for the amount of clientelle it brings in. Very convienient for a drive-thru coffee venue though.

So, we pull into the drive through and right away confuse the hell out of ourselves and the girl behind the speaker. We tried very hard to order as quickly as possible. We also tried, and failed, to make things as least complex as possible. It didn't help that Matt couldn't hear the girl behind the speaker any better than she could hear him. By the time we actually got our drinks straight, she asked the aforementioned question (look at the top for those that don't know large words!). The sanity remark sent us both into a giggle fit that hadn't faded by the time we reached the window.

And there she was.

Miss Mattel.

Let me explain: She was a cute girl. Probably in her late teens or maybe barely 21. It was her smile though. We swear to fucking GOD ALMIGHTY that it was tattooed or painted on. You could tell the second we started talking at the window that she wasn't amused....except the smile....it taunted us. She kept on smiling even through us making even bigger asses of ourselves. By the time we drove away, we wanted to park and walk back in to ask her if the smile on her face was stuck there forever.

Maybe it was Botox...

Oddest Day Yet

2008-04-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

Today was by far the oddest day at Starbucks that I've had yet...

Things started off as they always do. Walk in, set up the laptop, and then order something tasty. After sipping on my coffee a bit, I notice that there are guys conducting interviews as per usual. I've always been curious as to what company these guys are recruiting for, so as they begin to pack up I popped the question to a guy near me.

"What is it that you are interviewing for?"

Guy (yes, his name is Guy) looks at me and says, "Well, I'm actually recruiting."

The light bulb comes on over my head because, lets face it, I need a higher paying job. "Oh really? Pray tell."

So, that begins a 45 minute conversation between Guy and I about his company. It so happens that they are looking to expand the legal services market in Northern American and Canada. Europe has a system that is in place where legal services are just as important as buying insurance. Guy went on to explain a lot of things that made me start to really get excited about insurance sales again. He agreed that I started into a field that would be high in demand and, if I could keep loyal customers, would give me the life I always wanted.

Next thing I know he's taking down my information and I have an interview scheduled...

For tomorrow...

L

O

L

Meanwhile, there is a guy who is obviously upset that we're taking up all the usable outlets for laptops. He keeps eying us and sighing impatiently. So, Guy collects his things and his son (who was very polite and patient). They smile and wish me a good evening. Impatient dude swoops in and takes the one free outlet to my left.

Patience is a virtue...unless your mother failed to teach you these things.

Jackass.

Here's the funny part though. Impatient dude sits down and gets situated. Then he starts watching Hobbit and I on our computers. We're totally geeking it up. We have cables all over, external drives hooked in, and we're talking geek. Impatient guy notices all the interesting things and pipes up from his cozy corner.

"Just a question if you don't mind."

Arching a brow, I motion for him to continue while trying not to act too annoyed with his previous display of retardedness.

"Are you guys running internet wirelessly?"

Hobbit chuckles and start rambling off techy jargon that he seemed to somewhat understand. Aside from his douchebag first impression, the guy was pretty damn fun to talk to. He learned a bit much about wireless internet and how to use cell phones to connect his laptop from any location, but it was awesome rambling like a geek.

So yeah, it was a weird day at Starbucks, but very enjoyable. And to top it all off, it seems that one of the ladies that works at Starbucks has a daughter named Diana. I scored mucho points at the 'Bucks today!

Bitch Barista

2008-03-25T17:32:00.000-07:00

I'll be pointed with this blog.

There is a Starbucks that I frequent which is located in River Park. Now, to leave some shred of mystery, I won't specify which of the two River Park Starbucks it is. However, I will point out that the little lady I will be referring to is a Starbucks employee. She is close to my height, around five feet and ten inches. She typically wears her hair pulled back. It's a very pretty mix of brunette and blonde highlights. She's rather pretty and carries herself quite well.

The only drawback:

She patronized the wrong customer...

Me.

Normally I have no qualms about the employees at this Starbucks or with the customers, but today was different.

After noticing how freakishly clean the women's restroom was, I realized it was very, very cold in the little coffee shop. I'd been sitting, sipping my raspberry mocha Frap for about 2 hours and enduring the chill of the air. None of the normal crew was at work behind the counter so I felt quite awkward walking up to the counter and asking them to turn down the temperature. When this Bitch Barista came around to wipe the tables, I took my chances and asked her to turn down the temperature.

Her response made me want to slap her right out of the store.

She flashed a fake smile and walked away without a word. Then, mockingly, she told the guy behind the counter (who has been very cordial with me since he got to work) to turn down the air conditioning. She repeated my words exactly and then chuckled one of those "I'm better than the world chuckles."

Was it too much to ask for them to lower the temperature? I wasn't the only one complaining that it felt like a freezer! I was the only one that was willing to say anything though. Funny how Bitch Barista found it appropriate to mock me knowing full well I was still watching her.

This time I let it go, but you'd better believe I'll say something if she pulls the same attitude again. Customer first, right? Right. And I was nothing but nice when I voiced my wishes. I used pretty words and polite manner. Those that know me realize I am capable of that from time to time. I can be the perfect angel. Sometimes.

Anyways, I still love this little locale. I'll always come here when I need to do research online or catch up with old friends. Starbucks is my second home.

Oh and by the way...

The Best Sam Ever is the Best Barista Ever.

Period.

Corruption

2008-01-30T09:30:00.000-08:00

So, I managed to corrupt a Buckian. Her name is Sam. She is the most awesome Sam I have ever met. In fact, she is my soul mate. Eat shit boys. She's mine forever.

Anyways, the corruption bit: I use to hang out at the Starbucks she works at every Tuesday night. Then with schedule changes with her school and work, I decided to postpone until I could lock in a night where she always closed. Tuesday nights were out tradition. Come in after work, get some coffee, fire up the laptop, and the night would swirl on until they kicked me out at closing. Never a dull moment. Good times.

However, much to my surprise she started hanging out at her boyfriend's Starbucks location! She now does much of the same I would do at hers!

It is my goal to create a following by the end of this year.

I need to designate a River Park Starbucks night again.

I also need a Clovis Starbucks night.

Operation Starbucks Nights.

Has a nice ring to it.

=)

Crazy Lady

2008-01-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

So, this woman walks into the Starcucks that my awesome friend Sam works at and asks if they sell cigarettes. A coffee shop...selling...cigarettes. Ok, fine. Let's let that slide for now.

The woman then decides she might as well order something since she's there anyways and asks for a "Mochachino."

Sam replies with a smile. "Oh you mean a Mocha Frappucino? Sure, what size?"

The woman scoffs and says "No, I want a Mochachino..."

Sam then goes on to kindly explain to her what a Mocha Frappucino is and how it is probably the same thing she's had at her other coffee shop. The woman stared at Sam for what seemed like forever and then asks Sam why she was trying to confuse her.

"I was trying to help," Sam says, shocked.

Then the woman got really pissed. She was kind enough, I suppose to say "Thanks anyway" before walking outside. The crazy part is that once she got outside, she kicked the trash can by the front door and started shouting obscenities!

Meanwhile, Sam is thinking "Holy hell...I should have just said we have Mochachinos and let her be a retard."

Crazy lady.

Two Characters Indeed

2007-12-02T22:59:00.000-08:00

To start this all off, here are two characters I wrote short blurbs about when I first started this project March of this year.

Tom Smokeson

Hi. My name is Tom Smokeson. You see these pants? These…camo pants? One would think I hunt or some other outdoorsy sort of thing, but in fact I don’t. I’m an animal lover. I’m self-centered as well. I know way too much about music…or at least I think I do. Heh. I own a lot of clocks. I know…kinda weird huh? It’s one of those “I like clocks but have no sense of time” kinda thing. If time was of the essence, I wouldn’t hang out in front of Starbucks and have random conversations with strangers. I look homeless, but I’m not. I collect and pack shit around like a homeless person does, but I’m not homeless. Or at least that’s what I say. I collect milk bottles too! No worth whatsoever, but they seem like a fun thing to collect. I like to bitch about getting “screwed” at the pawn shops. I love my life though.

Andrew Famous

Hi. My name is Andrew Famous. My aunt was a seamstress for the circus. Yeah., that’s pretty cool. I LOOOOOVE Johnny Cash. I think he might be Rockabilly. I love him, but I have no fucking clue what genre he is in. I collect records. No idea what they are worth, but I collect them.

Welcome

2007-10-12T09:30:00.001-07:00

Just a quick blurb about this blog for those who do not know me personally.

This concept was created over a year ago while sitting at a Starbucks in Clovis, CA. A man caught my attention, and being the avid writer that I am, my first instinct was to take a few notes on his character. What become of those notes was something entirely fictional: The Starbucks Diaries.

From that point on, my goal was to single out one person every time I visited a Starbucks location and dream up their life in a nutshell. It became an obsession and I've spent far too much on coffee since then. But the wonderful things is that I am laying open my mind for everyone to see. There are millions of faces a person sees in a regular week, and we're all known for concocting obscure histories for strangers.

The only difference is that I am going beyond a stray thought with this blog. I'm here to show what develops, at least in my mind, while I am people watching at the local Starbucks.

Call it insanity.

Call it boredom.

Call it whatever you will, but the fact still remains that in every day life you all will do this very thing with at least one person you come across each day. It's inevitable.

I just chose to put it down on writing.